i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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