It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Ladies don't puke and tell
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
