Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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