Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
