The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
