did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
