Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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