There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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