I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
