I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
and she was petting her beer can
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
