It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
