i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
