Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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