So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
