pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
