and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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