normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
