I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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