mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
