At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
