the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize