i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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