I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize