Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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