oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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