yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
