that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
