there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
