can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
