Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
