I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
