Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
