So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
