Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
