so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
