yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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