Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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