My friends, they love my intelligence
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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