Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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