let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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