So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
