Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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