That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
