Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
