WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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