my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize