Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
