I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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