mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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