Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
