It's Friday. Sex?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
