Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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