Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
