I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
