I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
