It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
