He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
