I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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