why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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