do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Randomize
