i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
