I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
