I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
