...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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