Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
