I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
